God as my Witness I Thought Turkeys were Jive

Oh the humanity!  It’s that time of year again.  Time to see the family you’ve ignored all year, eat a metric ton of food, watch lousy football from the decaying NFL and enjoy all two of the classic Thanksgiving TV shows.  There’s the episode of Cheers that ends in a food fight and the immortal “Turkeys Away” from WKRP in Cincinnati.  They are great, but that’s all we get unless you count a few accidental T-day mentions in a movie or two.  <Yeah!>   We’d have more luck playing pickup sticks with our butt-cheeks then catching some good Thanksgiving entertainment.  Your best bet is checking in with the annual marathon classic from the boys and bots on Mystery Science Theater 3000.

You’re messing with the wrong guy.  I’ll find something good to watch this Thursday for sure.  I mean, “Trading Places” takes place during the holidays right?  But it covers everything from November to New Year’s Day, not just turkey day.

Besides, it ain’t cool quoting that movie so close to Thanksgiving.  <Yeah!>

I think maybe “Scent of a Woman” could fit the bill.  Hoo-aah!  That was a memorable holiday dinner with family.  One of my favorite Al Pacino characters was definitely Frank Slade.  Excuse me, Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade.  He and I both know Mr. Daniels long enough to call him John.  Alas, the turkey day connection is fleeting in this one too.  Still, it’s a great movie and really seems to capture the flavor of the season.  And if they told you wolverines would make good house pets, would you believe them?

As I contemplate my viewing choices, can I just tell you how awesome it is to suddenly find out I have an extra day off for the holiday weekend?  I am now off the day before Thanksgiving and all the way through Monday.  This is a full on, five alarm, six day holiday weekend here…look, I don’t want to be rude, but I’m not much of a conversationalist, and I really want to finish this article so…

Yo, Adrian!  Of course, there’s the original “Rocky”.  How could I forget Paulie throwing the turkey out in the alley, while saving the leg for himself.  That’s one way to get your spinster sister out of the house.  Okay, who remembers the names of Rocky’s turtles?  First one to respond with the correct answer gets the keys to a vintage Pontiac Firebird.  Just the keys of course, there is no car.  Sly was great in that film.  Who knew he could successfully play a punchy “creep-o” boxer with no prospects and willing to take a viscous beating on demand?  Easy Rock, you could’ve killed me slugging me in the gut like that. That’s how Houdini died, you know.

“A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving”.  Now that one is fun for the whole family.  What happens in it again, I forgot?  Lucy holds the football and Charlie tries to kick it right?  It’s kinda like the rest of the AFC East being offered the division title for a brief moment before the Patriots swipe it away.  lucy2Actually, my sister used to call me Charlie Brown.  I guess it had to do with my tendency towards shyness, or maybe that I am such a unique individual.  What is unique, uh…latin for “asshole”?

I’m told “You’ve Got Mail” was a movie set around Thanksgiving.  “Hannah and Her Sisters” and “The Thanksgiving Promise” too.  Oh yeah, “Grumpy Old Men” was a good one right?  “Brokeback Mountain” was another holiday special, is that also true?  YOU’RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!

I give up.  There just isn’t really an iconic movie for me to watch on Thanksgiving.  There are so many for Christmas, though.  I can’t wait to get the turkey eating out of the way, so I can start focusing on the real holidays.  For now I’ll just have to settle for that ambrosia with the minitature marshmallows (those aren’t pillows!) and doing the Mess Around in my car.

Gobble Gobble



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