I’m Still Not Drinking Merlot

When “Sideways” came out I was just starting to discover the joy of wine.  There was going to be not one, but two coolers for storing my collection of fine vintages.  Had to have one for white and one for red because, temperature.  Naturally, I’d have one really awesome bottle that would be saved for the most special occasion ever.  The movie taught me that every other bottle must be Pinot Noir and that in no circumstances must any merlot enter my house…much less touch my lips.  Oh, and Pinot can be white too.

Is it true that Pinot kicks that much ass?  Is it true that merlot isn’t fit to clean your toilet with?  Is it true that I just ended a sentence with a preposition?  The answers are yes, yes, and probably I think so.  Admittedly, when blended with a much better wine, merlot does serve a purpose.

I swear I’m not the wine snob that Miles (aka Pig Vomit) is in the movie.  I’ve actually tried merlot more than once.  It’s common to be served a cheap, that is to say free, merlot at weddings.  I honestly have even tried some “good” merlots on occasion and with an open mind to boot.  I just can’t do it.  Oh to go back in time before I saw this movie.  I would love to know how my taste buds would respond without the knowledge imparted by Mr. Raymond.  Before I was properly instructed.

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Remember, Cypher said “ignorance is bliss”.  Thomas Gray said it first, but this is a website about movies and TV.

Speaking of Pig Vomit Paul Giamatti…W-eNNNNN-B-C, did you know he was Bart Giamatti’s son?  Bart was the seventh commissioner of Major League Baseball and a life long Red Sox fan.  Sadly, he died of a heart attack shortly after becoming commissioner.  But not before he banished Pete Rose to the far reaches of hell (Fox Sports analyst).

Thomas Hayden “Lowell” Church played Miles’ best friend in the movie.  His name was Jack…anyone remember that?  Didn’t think so, he’s Lowell Mather and will be forever.  Don’t sleep on his Billy Clanton performance, though.  You know, “Stephen Stinking Foster!”  You tell him I’m coming with a post for Tombstone, it’s coming just as soon as I can get the film on iTunes for less than eighteen bucks.

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Oh, Sandra Oh is in this?  She’s in one of those doctor shows I guess.  Never saw it, hear it’s great.  I’m going to create a list of stuff I need to watch but haven’t and get cracking on it right away.  Need to avoid that “you’ve never seen Willow, oh my god?!?” crap as much as possible.

Another moment in wine:  around the time I watched “Sideways” another little classic came out.  “Heroes” – save the cheerleader, save the world!  For some reason I will always associate the first season of the show with delicious red wine.  Probably because I drank copious amounts while watching.  The show was at one time very, very good.  What happened to it?  An eclipse came and the show was awesome.  Another eclipse came and it was pure dreck.  Loved doing puzzles while drinking wine too.  Guessing I just drank a lot of wine back then.

Love watching movies again after a awhile and recognizing actors that ended up in stuff I’ve seen since then.  Never batted an eye the first time around, but now very familiar.  Like the bartender at the Hitching Post II who was the gym teacher from “Glee”.  Yes, I’ve seen “Glee” but not “Grey’s Anatomy”…so what?

Watch for the “Mary Tyler Moore” style montage the next time you see this.  Nobody could present condensed space and time set to music like MTM.

Interesting how the two friends take turns being the voice of reason throughout the film.  Miles running away while drinking straight from the bottle was classic.  I haven’t done anything like that since college.  On the subject of his freak-outs, I don’t believe I’ve ever tasted wine spit, but I did accidentally drink from the wrong bottle of beer once.  Doesn’t sound too bad except it was somebody’s dip spittoon.  Not a good night.

Miles’ line about not drinking merlot fundamentally changed the wine industry.

Alas, merlot

Absolutely killed that poor little grape and sent the Pinot Noir market skyrocketing.  Evidently the wine is finally starting to have a resurgence, but thirteen years is a long time.  Que Syrah Syrah.

Great quote that comes in under the radar is from Maya, “you know, the day you open a ’61 Cheval Blanc . . . that’s the special occasion.”  Great perspective on saving something great for something great yet to happen.

In retrospect I should’ve been drinking some wine while watching the movie and writing this.  I’m doing the keto low carb thing though and I don’t want to ruin it.  Long story short, bourbon.

This guy Jack?  He’s no Lowell.  His antics and resulting nudity scene at the end was the nuttiest thing I ever saw in a movie until Borat came along and fought some fat guy.

When all is said and done, it’s November 14, 2017 and I’m still not drinking any merlot.



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